The spiritual life can be a life of disappointment. We don’t often show it on the outside to others, but if we are trying to live the spiritual life of prayer, we are most likely often disappointed.
In the spiritual life, we can be tempted to high ideals. We want to “get it” quickly. When we pray, we want to “feel” as holy on the inside as others look on the outside when we see them praying.
So, we try one method of spirituality after another: meditation, saying prayers, trying various prayer forms, or small group spirituality. In themselves and centered on Christ, these can be quite positive.
But often we try to feel the results of our prayer … to see improvement, to measure up, to see results, especially in our internal feelings. And in this, the spiritual life can detour to a self-improvement technique.
And if it does, we fall through a trapdoor and slide down right into pride. And pride is always disappointing. But pride is very attractive to our world: “Expect results. Demand results. Get ahead. Be the best.”
So, when we pray, if the prayers or prayer form don’t automatically deliver results, we do one of two things. Either we blame ourselves and go through the motions. Or we blame God. And then we drift and give up.
The “Expect results. Demand results. Control results. Immediate results. Automatic results. Get ahead. Be the best.” formula is a lot of poison to pump into our system at every turn. We apply that game plan to our education, recreation, work, family life, and prayer.
When that pride prescription has been pumped into us for so many years, in so many areas of our life, it takes a long time for our nervous system to pump all the toxins it carries back out again.
And the first step is good disappointment with the pride prescription. In that context, disappointment is a tremendous grace in the spiritual life. It is a call, not to make things “better” but to let go of the pride prescription.
Hearing this call, we find the weakness to stop imposing the pride prescription on ourselves and others. In that freedom, we can open up room in our soul to meet Jesus and say to Him with Peter: “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God” (Mt. 16:16).
God bless,
Msgr. Bransfield
